The Bad Threads

[ChemistB]

Not sure if this goes beyond the realm of acceptable political correctness but I thought I’d start a humorous thread where humorous fictitious examples of bad posts are presented. Include your favorite pet peeves; Who knows, this might qualify as a link on “What not to do” for new posters.

First Post:
The Nebulous Problem

Okay, I have a bunch of data and when I try to apply my formula to it, it doesn’t work but it used to work but that was on a different system and with different data. Now I’m on the new system and my data is completely different. Can anyone help me?

I guess I should explain more. In my first column I have these numbers and I want them to match these other numbers that I have. Then I want “Yes” or “No” to pop up. If it's yes, then multiply by 2, if it's no, then subtract 2.

ChemistB

[ChemistB]

One of my favorites.

"Hey, I posted 10 whole minutes ago. Doesn't anybody know the answer???"

ChemistB
Repeated at regular intervals throughout the day.

[shg]

See attached!

[ChemistB]

Nice shg!
3 in 1; title, jpgs (when it's just as easy to upload xls) and the miniature example.

ChemistB

[ChemistB]

Post 1
Hi! I have numbers in column A and I need to know if the same number is in Column B.

Post 2
Thanks, that works great but I forgot to mention that columns are in different workbooks.

Post 3
My second workbook in on a network drive and it want this to work without opening it.

Post 4
Great! Sometimes however, I have text instead of numbers.....

Post 5
Can we get this to work in rows instead of columns?

Post 6
I need this matching to work for partial matches too.

etc...............................

ChemistB

[dominicb]

Usually anything that contains the phrases "...forgot to mention..." and "...sometimes, however..." are best avoided. After answering several hundred posts you usually get the feel for those OP's that are just going to be trouble and best steering clear of : that said I have no problem helping out a struggling user in a thread spanning, say, 20 posts, if they really can't grasp a concept. However, all too many give insufficient information in the first post and spend every subsequent post addingfurther constraints and obstacles that realy should have been made in the first instance.

Another one is the OP that wants to know all about a certain subject. The post might read "I need to know all about VLOOKUP. Can you help me". It can be very hard sometimes not to answer with "Try the ****ing help files - it tells you all about VLOOKUP in there" ...

DominicB

[royUK]

Thanks for your suggestion but I'm not that good with Excel, could you do it for me and maybe improve my project with any other suggestions?

[ChemistB]

I’m not very good with Excel but here’s what I want. When the spreadsheet is opened, it automatically queries the user on his/her name. Then it will automatically import all the pertinent data from 10 different workbooks, sorting by date.

I’d like the cells to color code depending on which of the 100 users initially made the entries and for the rows and columns to autoformat to fit the cells but no bigger than 15 cm. I’d like blanks between each group of entries with hyperlinks to the previous group.

I’d like cells to have audile prompts for the user when he/she clicks on them informing them of what is to go into the cells and where the dependents are.

It should have 34 sort and filter macros each connected to a button with a user form that will engage the user in a game of chess while they wait for the workbook functions to complete.

I’d like the form to autonumber and fit on a single page.

Thanks for your help.

ChemistB
PS. If we can do this without VBA, that would be great.

[chergh]

this is a challenge for ALL OF YOU

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

please guys help me am taking this course in excel and am about to fail it

my instructor gave us this bonus assignment to get more marks

if i didnt get this assignment right am gonna fail the course so please help

and of course my instructor always gives us these HARD assignments



ok the assignment is:


in this work book we 2 sheet

sheet 1: you'll find all the semester the student took and in each all the courses


sheet 2:you'll find all the students ID and all the courses and the grades for the courses


what he want is:>>>>>>>>>>>


in sheet 1 when i write the student ID it should show me all the grades for the courses he took in each semester and also the extra ones


i hope i i made it clear for you guys i think i should use (VLOOKUP) but what do i know


plese guys am begging you help me please

[ChemistB]

I tried what you said and you're wrong! (Usually because they transcribed something wrong or they didn't explain clearly what they needed)

Or........

Excel stinks! We should go back to the abacus.

ChemistB

[martindwilson]

i have this course/homework/school.....project
I don't mind helping but please can i have the certificate/a level/degree too?
and
to chemist b

I’m not very good with Excel but here’s what I want. When the spreadsheet is opened, it automatically queries the user on his/her name. Then it will automatically import all the pertinent data from 10 different workbooks, sorting by date.

I’d like the cells to color code depending on which of the 100 users initially made the entries and for the rows and columns to autoformat to fit the cells but no bigger than 15 cm. I’d like blanks between each group of entries with hyperlinks to the previous group.

I’d like cells to have audile prompts for the user when he/she clicks on them informing them of what is to go into the cells and where the dependents are.

It should have 34 sort and filter macros each connected to a button with a user form that will engage the user in a game of chess while they wait for the workbook functions to complete.

I’d like the form to autonumber and fit on a single page.

Thanks for your help.


PS. If we can do this without VBA, that would be great.

oh dear you're not very helpful are you ?
why not just order a taxi/plane and pop around to their office/home and do the whole thing from scratch.? shame on you.

[ChemistB]

I want to write my novel in Excel and it's cutting off some of the text. How can I get around this?

ChemistB

[arthurbr]

This one's nice too

[martindwilson]

Hello all,

I hope this is the right forum location for this question! Well here goes.

I have a a cell that has a value lets say (5) we will call this cell E3. I then have a column of cells D12 thru D43. Cell D44 is for the Total.

When a user enters a value into E3 (can be any number) the values entered into D12 thru D43 cannot be larger then that number but the formula needs to devide the values in D12 thru D43 from E3 and show that number. (Example) E3 has (5) and D12 has 4, the formula converts that number to 80 because 5 equals 100%. then the 80 is added in the totals cell D44. As the cells become populated, the total increases until all 26 cells are completed.

I need to know how to create the formula for the E3 and the D Column so that when numbers are entered the number converts etc... I hope this was not to big of a question


Thanks in advance...

I hope you can help!

JOhn