+ Reply to Thread
Page 21 of 45 FirstFirst ... 11 19 20 21 22 23 31 ... LastLast
Results 301 to 315 of 665

The Joke Thread

  1. #301
    Forum Expert Mordred's Avatar
    Join Date
    07-06-2010
    Location
    Winnipeg, Canada
    MS-Off Ver
    2007, 2010
    Posts
    2,787

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Domski View Post
    My girlfriend bet me that I couldn't make a car out of vermicelli. You should've seen her face as I drove pasta.
    LoL, good one!
    If you're happy with someone's help, click that little star at the bottom left of their post to give them Reps.

    ---Keep on Coding in the Free World---

  2. #302
    Forum Expert Domski's Avatar
    Join Date
    12-14-2009
    Location
    A galaxy far, far away
    MS-Off Ver
    Darth Office 2010
    Posts
    3,950

    Re: The Joke Thread

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst so I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
    "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch..."

    Use code tags when posting your VBA code: [code] Your code here [/code]

    Remember, saying thanks only takes a second or two. Click the little star to give some Rep if you think an answer deserves it.

  3. #303
    Forum Contributor
    Join Date
    08-01-2011
    Location
    Bangalore, India
    MS-Off Ver
    Excel 2007
    Posts
    182

    Re: The Joke Thread

    One guy goes to a chemist...
    Guy: Please give me Poison
    Chemist: I can not give it without a prescription
    Guy: I am married
    Chemist: (Getting Emotional)... Dude... please dont make me cry... Do u want a small bottle or a big one...
    Last edited by inayat; 09-05-2011 at 09:38 AM.

  4. #304
    Forum Expert Domski's Avatar
    Join Date
    12-14-2009
    Location
    A galaxy far, far away
    MS-Off Ver
    Darth Office 2010
    Posts
    3,950

    Re: The Joke Thread

    If Tetris has taught me anything it's that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.

  5. #305
    Forum Moderator zbor's Avatar
    Join Date
    02-10-2009
    Location
    Croatia
    MS-Off Ver
    365 ProPlus
    Posts
    15,406

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Banned for twisting Tetris point...
    D'oh, wrong topic...

    Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2y_-vsHvPBE

  6. #306
    Forum Contributor
    Join Date
    08-01-2011
    Location
    Bangalore, India
    MS-Off Ver
    Excel 2007
    Posts
    182

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Waiting on the Trooper's arrival after speeding over 100 miles per hour:
    The Trooper walked up to the Lexus, looked at the old man, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, it's Friday and my shift ends in 30 minutes. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
    The old gentleman paused........ Then said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
    "Have a good day, Sir," replied the Trooper

  7. #307
    Forum Contributor
    Join Date
    08-01-2011
    Location
    Bangalore, India
    MS-Off Ver
    Excel 2007
    Posts
    182

    Re: The Joke Thread

    @zbor... awesome...

  8. #308
    Forum Guru martindwilson's Avatar
    Join Date
    06-23-2007
    Location
    London,England
    MS-Off Ver
    office 97 ,2007
    Posts
    19,321

    Re: The Joke Thread

    crime in multi-storey car parks is just wrong on so many levels
    "Unless otherwise stated all my comments are directed at OP"

    Mojito connoisseur and now happily retired
    where does code go ?
    look here
    how to insert code

    how to enter array formula

    why use -- in sumproduct
    recommended reading
    wiki Mojito

    how to say no convincingly

    most important thing you need
    Martin Wilson: SPV
    and RSMBC

  9. #309
    Forum Expert Domski's Avatar
    Join Date
    12-14-2009
    Location
    A galaxy far, far away
    MS-Off Ver
    Darth Office 2010
    Posts
    3,950

    Re: The Joke Thread

    I am following the French Army on Twitter. Only because they are very likely to retweet.

  10. #310
    Registered User
    Join Date
    03-05-2009
    Location
    Vail, Colorado
    MS-Off Ver
    Excel 2010
    Posts
    83

    Re: The Joke Thread

    At a wedding reception, the announcement was made: For our next toast, please stand by the person that has made all the difference in your life, who is always there for you, and who you can always depend on.
    (or something like that...)

    Needless to say, the bartender was instantlly crushed to death.

  11. #311
    Forum Expert davegugg's Avatar
    Join Date
    12-18-2008
    Location
    WI, US
    MS-Off Ver
    2010
    Posts
    1,884

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

    I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that...you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
    Is your code running too slowly?
    Does your workbook or database have a bunch of duplicate pieces of data?
    Have a look at this article to learn the best ways to set up your projects.
    It will save both time and effort in the long run!


    Dave

  12. #312
    Forum Expert davegugg's Avatar
    Join Date
    12-18-2008
    Location
    WI, US
    MS-Off Ver
    2010
    Posts
    1,884

    Re: The Joke Thread

    When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer... always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

    When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

    The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

  13. #313
    Forum Expert Domski's Avatar
    Join Date
    12-14-2009
    Location
    A galaxy far, far away
    MS-Off Ver
    Darth Office 2010
    Posts
    3,950

    Re: The Joke Thread

    I had a dizzy spell at work today. I used it on my boss and she fell down the stairs.

    Dom

  14. #314
    Forum Moderator zbor's Avatar
    Join Date
    02-10-2009
    Location
    Croatia
    MS-Off Ver
    365 ProPlus
    Posts
    15,406

    Re: The Joke Thread

    Weather is disastrous... Raining fifth day now... My wife is totaly depresed.
    Just standing and staring through the window.

    If rain don't stop in next few days I'll have to let her in the house.

  15. #315
    Forum Expert NBVC's Avatar
    Join Date
    12-06-2006
    Location
    Mississauga, CANADA
    MS-Off Ver
    2003:2010
    Posts
    34,902

    Re: The Joke Thread

    A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"


    The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."


    Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."


    His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"


    Kid says, "One."


    The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"


    Kid says, "$101,237.64."


    Boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"

    Kid says, "First I sold this guy a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

    The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him boat and truck?"


    Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing. "
    Where there is a will there are many ways.

    If you are happy with the results, please add to the contributor's reputation by clicking the reputation icon (star icon) below left corner

    Please also mark the thread as Solved once it is solved. Check the FAQ's to see how.

+ Reply to Thread
Page 21 of 45 FirstFirst ... 11 19 20 21 22 23 31 ... LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0 RC 1