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The Joke Thread

  1. #631
    Forum Guru xladept's Avatar
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    They don't wear slips anymore.
    If I've helped you, please consider adding to my reputation - just click on the liitle star at the left.

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    Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Arkadi View Post
    An elderly couple talk in the evening:

    Him: “Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”

    Her: “I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”

    Him: “And that helps?”

    Her: “Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwaktb79exc

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    Re: The Joke Thread

    .



  4. #634
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

    One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
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  5. #635
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Arkadi View Post
    What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

    One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
    ouch!!
    1. Use code tags for VBA. [code] Your Code [/code] (or use the # button)
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  6. #636
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    Just going through some old emails - this was sent to me some 11 years ago !! :

    “Please don’t handle the fruit. Ask for Debbie” – Greengrocer’s

    “The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable” – Bucharest Hotel lobby

    “Guard dogs operating” – District Hospital

    “Our wines leave you nothing to hope for” – Swiss restaurant

    “Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension” – Austrian ski hotel

    “We stand behind every bed we sell” – Furniture shop

    “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily… Except Thursday” – Moscow hotel (across the street from a Russian Orthodox Monastery)

    “St Just church and bar” – Cornish road sign

    “You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid” – Japanese hotel

    “Warning: never use while sleeping” – Warning with hair dryer

    “If you wish breakfast, lift the telephone and our waitress will arrive. This will be enough to bring up your food” – Tel Aviv hotel

    “Don’t go into another shop to be cheated – come in here” – Bargain basement

    “Light pranks add zest to your services, but don’t pull the customers’ ears” – Japanese Tourist Industry Board (Rules for Hotel chambermaids)

    “Special today… No ice cream” – Swiss mountain inn

    “Customers should note that any complaints about rudeness in the staff will be dealt with very severely” – British hotel

    “After one visit we guarantee you will be regular” – Indian restaurant

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    Re: The Joke Thread

    .
    How can you identify an American citizen ?

    They are the ones who sit by wishing for things to change for the better while
    their criminal politicians turn their Republic/Democracy into a Socialist State.

  8. #638
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    3 men were travelling together in a train.
    During a journey, 1 man was eating an apple.
    After he was eating a bite, he threw away the apple.
    The he was eating another apple again.
    Similar to before, he threw another apple again and again.
    Wondering why he was doing like that, the other man asked. "Why you are throwing the apple?"
    "In my country, there is a lot of apple."

    A second man then lighted a "Gudang Garam" cigarette.
    Similar to the first man, he threw the cigarette after a puff.
    He was continuing to do the same thing for few times.
    Then, the other man asked, "Why you are throwing the cigarette?
    "In my country, there is a lot of "Gudang Garam" cigarette", answer the guy.

    Then a third man was thinking what he could show to other two men.
    Suddenly, he threw the second man who was previously smoked "Gudang Garam" cigarette.
    "Hey, why you are throwing the man", the first man asked.
    "In my country, there is a lot of this man"
    Last edited by wanmuhd; 10-31-2019 at 01:35 AM.

  9. #639
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    Husband and wife had a fight, Wife called up her mom and said; He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you. Mom said, No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you!
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    Be polite. Thank those who have helped you. Then Click on the star icon in the lower left part of the contributor's post and add Reputation. Cleaning up when you're done. If you are satisfied with the help you have received, then Please do Mark your thread [SOLVED] .

  10. #640
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    One day a young, fluffy white polar bear asked his mother
    "Mom ? You're a polar bear ... right ?" To which his mother
    replied "Yes dear." The young cub said, "So that makes me a
    polar bear too. Right ?" His mother said, "Yes."

    The next day the young cub asked his mother "Mom, is dad a
    polar bear also ?" And his mother said "Yes."

    The young cub then said .. "Well if you are a polar bear ... and
    Dad is a polar bear ... and I am a polar bear ... WHY AM I SO DANG
    COLD ! ?"

  11. #641
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    The All Blacks can still make it to the Rugby World Cup Finals.....They just need to buy tickets!

  12. #642
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    Re: The Joke Thread


    .............................
    Ben Van Johnson

  13. #643
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Winon View Post
    The All Blacks can still make it to the Rugby World Cup Finals.....They just need to buy tickets!

    ...........

  14. #644
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Winon View Post
    The All Blacks can still make it to the Rugby World Cup Finals.....They just need to buy tickets!
    ouch LO...

  15. #645
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    Re: The Joke Thread

    For 80 minutes the Rand was stronger than the Pound!

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