Wildcard in IF Statement

Good morning, Experts and Gurus,

While I wait for the coffee to jumpstart my brain, I need some help with what’s likely a simple one. I’m trying to use the “*” wildcard in a nested IF statement, but for some reason it’s not working (and I know how much you love that ambiguity of the latter part of that statement, but I honestly don’t know how else to put it!) By the logic I’m trying to attain, the red font cells in column B should result as “Speed.”

Thanks in advance!