The Banning Thread

[ratcat]

Rules: Ban the user above you!

I might start the thread by saying that you (Whoever you may be) are banned for having a low post count.....the next post would retaliate by saying that i am banned for criticising you for having a low post count. Doesn't even matter if you have....its just for fun.

So......who's going to be game enough to ban me




Disclaimer: Remember this thread is just for FUN. This thread has no intentions of being a direct personal attack on the poster(s). If there is problems of abuse, the mods will use there real power and ban.
Mods also have to power to change the rules of this game.

[teylyn]

I'm banning you for not showing up here often enough. If you were online more, we'd be able to enjoy much more of your brilliant threads. After all, it's you who started the joke thread. This has lead to many eye-wiping moments, for which you are ultimately responsible, although some of the best jokes are really from pike.

Anyway. I'm banning you for not posting here often enough.

[ratcat]

Banned for banning me twice in the same breath

[teylyn]

You can't ban me for banning you! I'm banning you for banning me for banning you. Or some such ...

Now someone can ban me for using ellipses. Romper??

[martindwilson]

I'm banning teylyn just coz a welsh harp is such an obscure user name

[romperstomper]

Then I'll ban you for preventing me from banning teylyn for using ellipses!

[Paul]

I'm banning myself for reading this thread and posting just to increase my thread count.

[teylyn]

I'm banning Paul because, as a moderator, he should be aware of the fact that posts in the Water Cooler result in

post_count = post_count + 0

PS @ Martin: I managed to mis-spell it, too. The actual Welsh word for "harp" is telyn, but my version is pretty unique on the web, so if you happen upon this moniker, you can be pretty certain that it's me

[ConneXionLost]

I'm banning Teylyn for not mis-spelling the term "monicker" or "monikker" as it should be properly mis-spelled in accordance with jocular tradition, especially when referring to a monicker derived from mis-spelling, namely her own monikker.

[teylyn]

ouch! (this post not available for banning)

A moniker (or monicker) is another term for a nickname, pseudonym, or cognomen. Typically, the title is used as a personal or professional name, instead of the person's given name, for works of art, music, books, or performances. Monikers are commonly used in small subcultures such as in railroad tramping (i.e.,"Baltimore Red") and on Internet message boards.

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moniker
So I'm being banned for not mis-spelling 'moniker'? =rept("ouch",10)

[ratcat]

Banned for not playing the rules of the game...ouch

Hahahahaha

[darkyam]

Banned for using a bearded dinosaur as an avatar. Dinosaurs had no beards.

[NBVC]

How can you be certain all dinosaurs had no beards? Banned!

[darkyam]

I ban you for not knowing reptiles don't have hair.

[NBVC]

Well reptiles are not supposed to have feathers either...yet it is thought that velociraptors and oviraptors had feathers!...reban!

[Ron Coderre]

Well reptiles are not supposed to have feathers either...yet it is thought that velociraptors and oviraptors had feathers!...reban!

BANNED for using technical jargon!

[NBVC]

BANNED for using technical jargon!

BANNED for not allowing technical jargon in a technical forum


yeah, I know... now I am banned for assuming this to be a technical forum... I will save you the hassle and ban myself

[Ron Coderre]

BANNED for not allowing technical jargon in a technical forum


yeah, I know... now I am banned for assuming this to be a technical forum... I will save you the hassle and ban myself

Actually, using assumptions in a non-technical forum is just fine.
You are BANNED for seeing the world through geek-colored glasses!

[DonkeyOte]

Ron,

Your post does not comply with Rule 6 of our Forum RULES. Common courtesy is the order of the day.

Banned.

[Ron Coderre]

"You was serious about dat?"
-Vinny Gambino

from: My Cousin Vinny

Besides...in my little world, "geek" is a compliment!

[ConneXionLost]

DonkeyOte is banned for causing kurtosis risk as a reputation outlier.

Mandelbrot is quoted here as saying, "He just ain't natural!"

[martindwilson]

banned for knowing/using one of the millions of things i know nothing about

[daddylonglegs]

martin, you're banned for having a signature that's actually longer than some whole threads.......

[DonkeyOte]

dll, banned for posting formulae I don't understand.

[daddylonglegs]

Hey DonkeyOte! that might have been true a very long time ago but I doubt it is now.....banned for blatant flattery

[ratcat]

Banned for replying with a flat respond

[Rick_Stanich]

Banned for banning a reply with a flat respond

[martindwilson]

banned for repetition

[daddylonglegs]

banned for repetition

[Ron Coderre]

Everybody...BANNED for frivolous BANter!

[teylyn]

banned for veering from the standard font settings.

[khamilton]

You be4me, Banned for the sake of banning.

[DonkeyOte]

banned for veering from the standard font settings.

banned for being a hypocrite... see Feedback thread...

[teylyn]

uhmm, yeah. Exceptions and rules an' all.

I'm a sucker for rules and standards. Who'd have guessed. I'm German, after all! We invented DIN and are fed with standardised breast milk!

Banned for not following the banning thread rules and not banning the poster of the previous post only.

[rwgrietveld]

Banned for misplaced chauvinisme. That's only up to the french.

[martindwilson]

banned for too many consecutive consonants in user name

[rwgrietveld]

Banned for the over-use of smilies, where we already know this is an OT.

[daddylonglegs]

banned for having an item of furniture as an avatar

[DonkeyOte]

banned for having the sort of thing MS would use for a Windows Wallpaper as an Avatar...

[rwgrietveld]

Banned for being on-line 24/7

[NBVC]

Banned for watching what other people are doing with their time.

[DonkeyOte]

Like Teylyn - banned for being a hypocrite !

We know you're always checking out who's doing what via the Who's Online feature...

(I only know because I am too... when it works)

[NBVC]

Who me ?

[darkyam]

Banned for not banning someone in the banning thread.

[NBVC]

Banned for banning me so quickly after my post!

[DonkeyOte]

Banned for whimsical banning... who do you think you are ? Eric Bana ?

[NBVC]

... okay it's been 3 minutes or so... so can't ban me for being a hypocrite again...

...you are banned, for comparing me to somebody I have never even heard of...

[martindwilson]

banned for inability to google Eric Bana (mind you neither had I any idea ,until i did)

[DonkeyOte]

Banned for not appreciating the woefully bad play on his name... ie you're a prolific Ban-a

"I'm here all week..."

(I know, I know, inevitable banning for making puns that only I find (even remotely) amusing...)

[rwgrietveld]

banning you for using more than 3 words that a Non Native English Speaker had to look up before understanding (even remotely) what you meant.

[teylyn]

banned for complaining about the education effect this forum can have for both Excel and English

[ratcat]

Banned for not putting in a disclaimer about the side effects of this forum.

[khamilton]

Banned for worrying about disclaimers

[martindwilson]

banned for having lowest post count in this thread

[khamilton]

Banned for being post #54.

[khamilton]

Banned because noone has banned themselves yet!!

[ChemistB]

Banned for posting twice in a row.

[khamilton]

Top to bottom is column not row, therefore banned.

[martindwilson]

banned for pedantism

[darkyam]

Banned for using textspeak (lol) in your profile.

[martindwilson]

banned because you obviously haven't looked lately

[darkyam]

Banned for being full of it because you changed it after I had banned you.

[martindwilson]

banned for of accusing me of skulduggery (even tho' you may be justified)

[ratcat]

Banned for your usually display of shenanigans in this forum (even you make me laugh til I cry)

[daddylonglegs]

banned for pedantism

retrospectively banning martin for using "pedantism" when every pedant knows it should be "pedantry"

[ratcat]

Banned cos the retro years are over

[darkyam]

Banned for having your Windows edition instead of just your Office edition in your profile.

[ratcat]

Banned for trying to take over the world with your friend in the avatar pic. Btw I think I nicely tied in both OS and Office edition into one. **insert a big cheesy grin smilie**

[darkyam]

Banned for assuming without evidence that I'm trying to take over the world. Just for that, I'm taking Australia first.

[teylyn]

Banned for skipping NZ on your way to OZ. You said you'd paddle your kayak across the Pacific. I'm standing on the rock every day like Loreley watching out for the fishermen, but no luck so far. (Ok, you said it'd take you four years, but even so, I'd be hurt if you bypass NZ to go straight to pike!)

[darkyam]

Banned for being way too funny for a German.

[rwgrietveld]

Banned for generalization, although I must admit funny Germans are rare.

[teylyn]

Banned for not grasping that that was probably the reason Germany did not feel so funny to me after all and had to be left behind. As far as possible. Couldn't find a place further away than NZ.

[rwgrietveld]

banned for, again being in the fireline of a great conqueror

[Richard Schollar]

I am banning everybody else in this thread up to this post because I am unable to see you.

[rwgrietveld]

Banned for not having read

"Pulling your head out for newbies"

Hope your life smells much better now.

[teylyn]

I'm gonna be banned for not following the rules of the banning thread, but I think I know now what the yoga position called a.n.a.l retentive looks like.

[daddylonglegs]

......banned for not following the rules of the banning thread.......

you were right

[martindwilson]

banned ditto

banned for not following the rules of the banning thread.......

[ratcat]

Banned for a ditsy responds

[JBeaucaire]

Paul is banned for peddling ineffective drugs.

Irrefutable Evidence: http://www.excelforum.com/exceltip-c...ml#post2261247

[ratcat]

Banned for being a late player in the game and not following the rules of the game

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for making even MORE rules no one knows about.... (mutter)

[martindwilson]

banned for having jerry as a name when jean-paul or Jacquot are more suitable for
Beaucaire lol

[Paul]

Doesn't one wear a Jacquot? Or is that only some people? ::sipping decaf::

[JBeaucaire]

Here in California, we don't need no stinkin' Jacquots... or emasculating decaf.

(adds Bon-Bons to Xmas list for Paul)

[martindwilson]

banned for not banning!

[JBeaucaire]

Sorry, I meant to say:

(Adds Ban-Bans to Xmas list for Paul)

[ratcat]

Banned for rocketing passed on what you meant to say

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for rocketing passed on what you meant to say

Banned for ineffective play on words.

[martindwilson]

banned for quoting whole post in reply.

[ratcat]

Banned for no comic relief in your post

[Andrew-Mark]

I am banning you because it's Tuesday

[Paul]

I am banning you
For not posting in haiku
Mister Andrew-Mark

[darkyam]

Banned for having a rhyming haiku and for writing a haiku that's not in Japanese.

[JBeaucaire]

To ban all is sure
None know the way that is true
Nor I, so ban me.

[ratcat]

Okay.....Banned for stepping in the firing line

[rwgrietveld]

JB (nice one)

How relative we
No right way is absolute
truth is a phantom

(can I do this in Dutch, Haiku in kanji is even easier than in english ...)

[shg]

Animals of prey,
Formulas snatch cells in flight --
Then lie still in wait

[romperstomper]

Haikus are easy,
But they don't always make sense.
Refrigerator.

[martindwilson]

banned for gratuitous use of poetry

[ConneXionLost]

Poetic licence
Ban protection expired
Null value error

[darkyam]

Love random haikus
Cowboy, jet, painting, George Bush
Jelly beans, Sasquatch

[JBeaucaire]

Who would have thought it?
A poetic style, so fun...
It gets old so fast!

[Paul]

Going downhill fast
This thread cannot continue
Or all will be lost.

According to babelfish:
速く下り坂に行くことこの糸は続くことができないまたはすべては失われる

[ratcat]

Banned for not starting a poem thread

[JapanDave]

That Japanese sentence does not even make sense for starters.

I translated it very loosly for you.

どんどん悪い方に、
このスレッドは続けられない、
若しくは、全て失う。

Your banned for not translating Japanese correctly!

[Domski]

You're banned for not writing English correctly!!!

[Paul]

You can't ban Babelfish!

Which, when translated to Japanese through Babelfish, is:

Babelfishを禁止できない!

Run! It's Gojira!!!!!

(ok, self-banning for that one.)

[teylyn]

Since Paul is self-banning, I'm banning Domski for being too hard on non-native speakers for an error that even native speakers make all the time!

[Domski]

I'm banning Domski for being too hard on non-native speakers

I assumed, not unfairly, that someone called Dave might be a native english speaker.

Teylyn...you're banned!

[ratcat]

Banned cos I can

[JapanDave]

I assumed, not unfairly, that someone called Dave might be a native english speaker.

Teylyn...you're banned!

Can't choose the name your parents give you! Long story, but I don't consider English as my first languge. I suppose it has to do where I was brought up.

Ratcat, your banned b/c you can!

[darkyam]

Banned for overusing emoticons.

[ratcat]

Banned for putting the thread to a halt

[darkyam]

Banned for reviving it.

[tony h]

Banned for banning on a Sunday

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for using non-global references for banning criteria...(it's still Saturday here)

[dominicb]

Banned for living in a country where it's Saturday when it's really a Sunday.

DominicB

[ChemistB]

Banned for assuming that it was still Saturday throughout the entire country.

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for non-Bakersfield-friendly policies. (we're very local in our thinking)

[darkyam]

Banned for being too local in your thinking.

[ratcat]

Banned for not suggesting to think out of the cell err I mean Square

[ChemistB]

It's "box" Banned for thinking two dimensionally.

[darkyam]

Banned for not getting the Excel pun of "thinking outside the cell."

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for not carrying your Pun Police ID.

[ratcat]

Banned for Policing our fun

[Sweetypie]

I ban you for using using an illegal word--"reban"

[Cheeky Charlie]

Pah. Banned for considering lexicon a legal matter.

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for making legal judgments without passing the bar.

Also banned for use of onomatopoeia.

[ratcat]

Banned for not making a legal drink to pass around from the bar

[ChemistB]

Banned for using the word "bar" when now it's a ribbon.

[squiggler47]

I ban myself for having the weird thought of replacing VBA and formulas with a java2k compiler!

( brief synopsis of java2k :-

Java2K is not a deterministic programming language, but a probabilistic one. Even for built-in functions, there is only a certain probability the function will do whatever you intend it to do. All Functions have two different implementations. At runtime, based on a pseudo-RNG, the actual implementation is choosen. This is in line with common physicalist assumptions about the nature of the universe - there is never absolute security, there is always only probability.
Java2K uses a 11-based number system, which is a very good approximation of the 10-based decimal system for many purposes, including counting up to and including 9.
Java2K has a garbage collection: memory is freed when the program exits, or, at random intervals, whichever comes first.
)

[Palmetto]

Everyone Banned for lack of wearing RAY-BANS while banning others >> I've got mine

[ratcat]

Banned for trying to be the coolest of the cool

[chrispulliam]

Your banned for knowing more about excel than I do.

[Palmetto]

Hmmm . . . this thread is getting little "spooky".

I'm pretty sure I saw a BAN-shee wisp across my screen; probably some forlon soul banned from an Excel Forum in a parallel universe and now bewailing the banality of it's beleaguered existence. Anyone else seen this phantasm?

I'm banning all BAN-shees. Begone!

[Cheeky Charlie]

Banned for too many words

[ratcat]

Banned for shocking me CC, for writing very little

[zbor]

Pike banned us because he can

[ratcat]

Banned for giving Pike the idea to ban us

[CJPHX]

Banned for making me give you reputation for that post because I read your signature and felt bad for you.

[Cheeky Charlie]

Banned for having compassion.

Blech.

[ConneXionLost]

Banned for using sheet metal in a ban.

[Cheeky Charlie]

Banned for making me learn something on wikipedia. (blech)

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for making noises in public.

[romperstomper]

Banned because I can now.

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for inflation.

[Mordred]

Banned for being so darned handsome. Now, where are my teeth?!

[arthurbr]

Banned of brothers ? ( I know, I know...)

[Mordred]

Rock Banned??? I'll just chastise myself for that one!

[ChemistB]

Banned for killing this thread for a month!

[Saarang84]

ONLY Forum Gurus and Moderators banning each other!!!
In all the 151 posts so far there is only one registered user who has posted!!

Banning all posters for such a thing that's happened!! I don't think that's coincidence..

[Cheeky Charlie]

Banned for thinking you're welcome here

stranger

[martindwilson]

banned for xenophobia

[pike]

banned because i have Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia

[zbor]

Did you mean: Xenophobia

[JBeaucaire]

Banned for making me think of Lucy Lawless.

[Mordred]

Banned for wearing a pink Speedo while cutting the grass.

[martindwilson]

banned for not commenting on the wonderful lucy!

[Mordred]

Banned for mentioning Lucy again.

[teylyn]

Banned for complaining about too much mention of LL. After all, the actress impersonating her is a Kiwi. Go, girl !!!

[ConneXionLost]

Banned for making me wait 6 months for an opportunity to ban you.

[teylyn]

Pshaw!! -- Banned for being unable to count the number of months since the bannee (?? that's awfully close to 'banshee' <maybe fitting in my case >) has last contributed to this thread, thereby readily providing an opportunity for CXL to ban me in a timeframe consisting of way less than six months.

<I'm starting to sound like one of the site gurus> Ban me for that!

[martindwilson]

banned for waffle

[JulieM]

Banned for unneccesary brevity in a non-core activity interpersonal interface

[ChemistB]

Banned for having 0 posts even after posting!

[ConneXionLost]

Banned for banning with a rationale that amounts to...nothing.

[Saarang84]

Banned for having a BIG Question Mark over yourself all the time... I don't know the rationale behind such an avatar, but haven't you really TRIED to get Connected to this forum??

[Saarang84]

Hey ratcat,

A friend of mine's named Jerry (not Jerry Beaucaire) and his dad's name is Thomas, his full name in Outlook comes as Thomas, Jerry.

So my question to you is:

Is your real name Tom or Jerry?? Anyway, you are banned for starting this thread in the first place...

[Saarang84]

Dear contaminated,

Your contamination in this forum has affected all of us!!

You are banned for that...

[martindwilson]

banned for 3 consecutive posts and not banning only the last poster as per the very strict rule in this serious thread

[Saarang84]

I've not broken the rules.. I've only banned the previous posters to this thread.

The rule is as below

Rules: Ban the user above you!

It does not say the ONLY user above you!

Since you are wrong, you are banned Martin.

[martindwilson]

Ban the user above you

the use of "the" implies singular user immediately above you otherwise it would say
Ban an user above you (or even Ban a user above you)
so banned for not grasping the subtleties of the English language as it is writ lol

[Saarang84]

I'm not a Non English Excel moderator like Arthur.. I'm not here to grasp the subtleties of English either.. You're banned for misinterpretation.

[teylyn]

Banning Saarang for apparent inability or unwillingness to accept any rules, be it forum rules or banning thread rules. You seem to believe that you are exempt. That won't get you far on this forum.

[romperstomper]

Consider yourself a banned member for being a band member.

[Saarang84]

Banning you teylyn (no offences), i only meant to say i didn't break any rules..

[Saarang84]

Is that your kid's avatar Romper? Can't you BAN him from using the laptop before BANNING anyone else? I suppose he's a genius like you.. Right??

[teylyn]

Banning Saarang for repeatedly ignoring the banning thread rules. Now I expect someone will ban me for being a rule addict, but hey, that's what a moderator is about.

[Saarang84]

Thanks teylyn, for self-banning yourself.. You being the moderator, can you propose new rules with the existing one? Else you are banned for being a moderator

[romperstomper]

Is that your kid's avatar Romper? Can't you BAN him from using the laptop before BANNING anyone else? I suppose he's a genius like you.. Right??

Banned for insulting my daughter.

[blane245]

Banned for not insulting my son

[Mordred]

@romper, banned for having a daughter that is probably smarter than the rest of us (or at least me).
@saarang, banned for banning too much.
@blane, banned for implying we should insult your son.

@everyone else, BANNED because you probably all deserve it.

[Saarang84]

Mordred is banned because he's a character in the Excel Forum's history, known to be a notorious loyalist who has helped the forum's members by making just 170 posts since joining the forum in July, but has become one of the Forum's Contributors.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordred

[Mordred]

Mordred is banned because he's a character in the Excel Forum's history, known to be a notorious loyalist who has helped the forum's members by making just 170 posts since joining the forum in July, but has become one of the Forum's Contributors.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mordred

Banned for using the wrong reference to my name. Even though my reference is still the son of a king (gunslinger) who tries to kill the king.

[Mordred]

Saarang is banned for only making 47 posts since 2009.

[romperstomper]

@romper, banned for having a daughter that is probably smarter than the rest of us (or at least me).

Banned for reminding me that she is like me: at times, quite bright; at other times, the brains of a 20 month old child.

[Cheeky Charlie]

Banned for too much banning enthusiasm


or something

whatever

[Saarang84]

I'd been inactive from the forum for more than 9 months since i joined last year. Considering that 47 posts is a good count. So, Mordred is banned for banning me since he does not know about this...

[JBeaucaire]

Saarang & Mordred banned for too many words in a ban. (Please don't educate me, I can't handle it)

[Saarang84]

Jerry is banned coz i don't know how he's good being both a rocket scientist and a good Excel programmer

[daddylonglegs]

Saarang is banned (again) for having 12000 posts fewer than Jerry

[Saarang84]

Daddylonglegs is banned bcoz he likes mosquitoes which i don't like

[Mordred]

daddylonglegs is banned because his avatar is that of a mosquito while his name is daddylonglegs.

[daddylonglegs]

Saarang....banned for not recognising a crane fly (although I concede it looks like a mosquito, see here)

[Mordred]

@daddylonglegs, it may infact not be a mosquito but if I saw it land on me (or around me for that matter) I would squish it like it was a mosquito.

Banned for mis-representing a mosquito.

[blane245]

Mordred is banned because banning is silly

[martindwilson]

banned coz you don't squish daddy-long-legs you crunch them

[Saarang84]

Here's some banning Twisters / Quotes ...

Ban the banner and the banned before or after the banned and the banner bans you

The Banning Anthem
You may ban me,
He may ban her
She may ban them,
They may ban someone,
Someone may ban anyone,
Anyone may ban anonymously,
All in all,
The Banning Thread will have it All !!